I'm a big old ball of emotion right now lol

I've been trying to tend to my edges more cause in the last set of photos I noticed they were breaking a bit more than I wanted them to be.  I still haven't decided on dying my hair or not so I'm not sure if that will happen pre trip.  I keep going back and forth on whether or not it's worth it since I really am okay with the gray but I'm not sure if it does make me look older than I want--I doubt that--or if it's impacting how other people see me on interviews.  I did apply for something local too and I'm diving in head long with the research thing as well.  In a holding pattern for one while we wait to hear back from IRB and we're narrowing down topics in another group.  Really if I could find even a part time gig I really loved things would be fine but I keep going back and forth about finding something now or waiting till the next round of searches are completed it's weird.  I'm sure I'll figure it out but it's confusing.  Hold on potty break.

Yes I'm sure you didn't need to know that but ehh it was in my brain.  Today is officially my youngest niece's third birthday.  I miss her terribly which is why I've been applying for nearly anything moving down near them.  I tried again in vain to get my mother on a plane to visit and I got the same diatribe about my sister in law which I just can't work around anymore.  It made me start crying because my father won't ever meet the girls, even if I was there I'd be busy working so they won't see me as much, and my mother is being a brat about seeing our only other immediate family.  It could also be because I don't have kids of my own the special days with them seem much more salient.  I was literally overjoyed when I got to talk to them a bit on Christmas via skype.  They were cute and happy and talk too much and then stop talking all at once.  I always stress balance to my clients and I swear I never have it in my own life. 

At least mom's doctor visit went well so thank heavens for small graces.  Still not falling asleep but I'm making myself even more irritated so I'm going to sign off now.  Happy Birthday pretty girl.